Remember when you were little and life was all about learning the basics. Let’s see there was: tyin’ the shoelaces, brushin’ the dentals mornin’ & nigh’ and of course lookin’ both ways before you cross the road. Ah the good ol’ days weaving through the streets of suburbia all the while guided by that ever trusty parental hand. As long as you looked both ways everything would be a-okay. What a load of crock! My mum forgot to mention boys, careers and well boys. Pain in my rear! Nevertheless photographer Matt Stuart has taken it upon himself to reminisce. His photographs are all about other people’s business. He releases the shutter at the oddest of times. It’s about the Kodak moment with wit and irony to boot. It’s about the absurd and fleeting moments of life all under the command of his trusty ol’ Leica. KK Outlet will be debuting Stuart’s incredible images this Thursday and would love to see your head(s) and shoulders, knees and toes! Knees and toes, knees and .. you get the drift. / Jasmine Fool

When Chris Marker went to Japan for his 1983 film Sans Soleil, he filmed sleeping people on the ferry or in the metro, imagining them as protagonists in a past or future war and using his 16mm film camera to spy on their dreams. It’s very possible that, had he been aware of the no-doubt-very-young, possibly embryonic, Japanese beatster Anchorsong, he may have asked him to score those dreams, or that war. The dude’s got a crisp way with a programmer, and brings a string quartet with him for haunting collaborations. But Anchorsong’s only one half of Soundcrash’s headline acts tonight; DJ Cheeba’s DJ/AV party bus has been regularly stealing their Koko shows and will be even more rocking here in intimate environs. Support comes from The Boxettes, an-up-and-coming quintet of ladies pushing vocal performance where it ain’t been before. Marker(-pen)-based wrong’un Docvek is also in the house. / axl-m

If you, like me, think that the Tate Modern is generally quite dull and find that contemporary art criminally under-utilises modern technologies, then you are in for an absolute treat this weekend. Kinetica Art Fair opens its doors for only the second time showcasing the work of 150 artists and scientists who specialise in kinetic art, robotics and new media. Expect to see machines that paint humans; a 3robots1man theremin ensemble, a vertical light wave that hangs impossibly in mid-air and, amusingly, an orchestral milk float. Dotted around the weekend there will also be talks, workshops and special performances, turning the cavernous underground space that is P3 into a busy hive of learning, interaction and entertainment. Oh yeah, and they got fricking laser beams too. Lasers people! Click here to pick the best ticket for you. I, for one, will be stuck in there for the duration of the weekend. / James Park

I know how it feels. That feeling where you have an itch behind your eye, you can’t find your pen lid and you’ve thrown your dinner at the moon one too many times, and the only thing that’ll cure it is watching a bunch of amazing hippyhoppy Americans and DJs in a massive, massive building. So if you go along to Fabric tonight, then you can giddily run between the three rooms looking at this lot… DEEP BREATH… Spank Rock, Caspa, le cool friends Patchwork Pirates, Fool’s Gold, A-Trak, Kingdom, Theophilus London, Seiji, Greenmoney, Kicks Like A Mule, Bastard Batty Bass and Hannah Holland. And that’s not even the whole list – I had to edit it down to fit it in. That’s an awful lot of people to watch. That’s an awful lot of really good people to watch. And we’ve got a pair of tickets for you too, so two of you can go. If you email me something nice I will give them to you. If you email me with just ‘Tickets’ as the subject header then I won’t. It’s rude. / Josh Jones

Well, well. Look who’s back. After a month’s hiatus (they claim they’ve been recovering from “December’s excesses” but I’ve got a sneaking feeling they’ve just been trashing it up all through January), Public House return for their first party of the new decade, this time at Cosmo Bar. First up on the bill is Parisian, Yakine, who like Loco Dice (with whom his releases have garnered support) was once a hip-hop head rather than the house/techno head he’s become. Expect percussive, loop-laden house. Next there’s budding star, Craig Torrance. With a slew of releases in the last couple of years and a distinctive techno sound combining excellent beats with interesting melodies, loaded with polyphonic synth and an unerring instinct for building an emotive track to its zenith (kind of Booka Shade-esque), his set should be a real pleasure to rave to. Wanna go? Hit me back for two free tickets. / Leo

Giles Hayter is prodigiously talented. Not only is he an imaginative painter with a penchant for vigorous colours and experimental techniques. But he is also a seriously gifted musician. His art exhibitions have always had a musical aspect to them and his musical performances have been equally artistic. But until now he hasn’t combined the sonic and visual aspects of his creative mind at the same exhibition. ‘Entwined’ is Giles’ first public exhibition in paint and music. The songs, pieces and pictures have been created together, drawing on each other for inspiration – in a sort of synaesthesic mash-up that would have give Kandinsky a heart murmur. For instance the autumnal ‘Chord Sequence 1: A Flat Major’, (left) is how Giles visualises the main chord in the exhibition’s central musical composition, ‘Allelujah Sounds’. Visit the Red Gate Gallery’s website to see when Giles will be playing live in the gallery and for detailed opening times. It promises to be a mind-blowing exhibition. / Jonathan Brown

Got an SLR? Know a bit about photography but still take crap photos of graffiti, buildings, and your mates on the lash? Want to step up your photographic output with some creative, stylish images to impress on Facebook? Yep. Me too. And what better muse than the greatest city in the world: London. If you know the basics of photography, then The London School of Photography’s intermediate course in Documenting London is probably the ideal weekend jaunt for you to start papping. With a mixture of lectures and practical work to help you understand and create photos, the course covers portrait and street photography, composition, elements of lighting, plus an intro to Photoshop so you can start photographing intelligently, rather than switching to auto and snapping everything in your pathway. Admittedly, 100 sheets isn’t exactly the cheapest way to spend a weekend, but better than dashing it down the pub or on some fancy new shoes. Go forth and pap. / SJ

When I first heard the title of this film back in 1990, I thought: “what a big pile of bollocks”. Shame on me, as it turned out to be one of the most enjoyable films of the decade. Quite how Burton conflated a near-mute protagonist with metal hands and wind-tunnel hair, a lollipop-coloured suburban set, a mad inventor and an Avon lady, and still came out with a fine piece of cinema, is beyond me. Under the maternal ministrations of Peg (Dianne Wiest), a bewildered Edward (Monsieur Depp) steps out into society and sustains the adoration, then scorn, of the neighbourhood, and it’s a final act of decency, an attempt to save the life of Peg’s son, which lands him back in isolation. Depp is outstanding throughout, startled, childlike, not to mention vacuum-sealed into a sort of gimp suit for most of it – a fittingly jarring love match for Winona Ryder’s perky cheerleader. / Lara Kavanagh

I’m going to stop referring to ATG as underdogs because they’ve clearly been urinating on many an underground club night from a great height as of late. Riding on a ravey wave from their massive New Year’s Eve collaboration with Urban Nerds, ATG are approaching 2010 with the same work hard, play hard swagger that’s held them in good stead so far. Joining the usual line up of heads is1XTRA’s Crissy Criss, a DnB don and creator of some of last year’s biggest dubstep tracks. To top things off this bass marathon will all be blaring from a Funktion-One sound-system. You’re spoiling us! And yet these graff boys gone business bosses still have time to scribble on walls? /Jo Fuertes-Knight

Ever wanted to dress like a film or TV star? Well now’s your chance, as Angels, Europe’s largest costumier to the theatre, TV and film industry is putting on a special retro costume sale. With thousands of items of clothing up for grabs spanning the last sixty years, choose outfits from iconic films such as An Education, Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll and James Bond, as well as cult film Trainspotting. Or, if like me, you were a big follower of TV dramas Inspector Morse and Ashes to Ashes, you’ll be making sure you get there early to nab those retro macs! There will also be one room devoted to a selection of high quality military and civilian uniform items, so if you’ve got a fancy dress party this could just be the ticket. Entry is only a fiver and with clothes being sold on a ‘by the bag’ basis, a medium shopper setting you back £20 and a supersized bag £50, fill them up to the brim and pay as you exit..bargain! / Beatrix Zwart

You have to hand it to Gilles Peterson, few other people could hold together a lineup that ranges from the proper jazz of Robert Glasper, through to rising latin stars such as Danay and right onto cutting edge electronica artists like Floating Points and SBTRKT. Still that’s what Gilles has been doing for as long as most of us can remember and his annual Worldwide Awards are perfect oportunity to stand back and celebrate all manner of goatee stroking music, whether it’s being made by a wrinkled old chap on a double bass or some scruff from Dalston. / John Power/ We’ve got LOTS of free tickets! Get a friend to subscribe to le cool (send Chloe their email addresses so we can confirm) and we’ll give you a pair!

Marathon time approaches. Soon we’ll all be inundated with a plethora of emails, all grasping for sponsorship. Of course, it’s all in a worthy cause, and 26 miles is seriously tough, but I can’t ever see myself doing it. I like challenges of the more, shall we say, unhinged and exotic variety. If you prefer to see a man swimming across the shark-infested ocean in a bucket, rather than jogging around London wearing a panto costume, then you’ll like Safety in Numbers, the first feature documentary by director Nick Mason. He followed a group of amateur cyclists on their epic eight-day ride over 1,000km across the French Alps, to raise money for leukaemia research. The film, showcasing at the ICA, follows them through the stunning landscapes, personal perils and struggles with willpower. / Simon Owen

Ah! Going out can be such a dilemma. Half your friends want to don their feather boas and shimmy to disco, while the other half have just finished polishing their gold chains and fancy stepping out to some thugged up hip-hop. The end result – you end up stuck in the pub listening to soft rock. Thankfully the latest addition to Shoreditch’s nightlife, Concrete (housed in the basement of the Tea Building) has the solution with this shotgun wedding of two very different nights, We Play Disco and Me So Horny. Who will win out on the night, screamingly camp disco or over compensatingly macho hip-hop? The verdict will be delivered on the dancefloor, who knows it may even be the start of a very beautiful relationship… / John Power

This feels like a lasting refrain of my life in clubland: I can’t believe it’s been another year! Doesn’t time fly when you’re having fun (or when you stay up for three days every weekend for a year)...? Anyway, I can’t believe it’s been a year since WYS moved to those notorious hallowed arches in Farringdon for their Sunday night sessions and three years in total. Well, it has been, and after a year of proving that they can destroy the best club in London every weekend with their especial techno beats (with a little help from some of the biggest names in the industry as guests) they’re celebrating their collaborative splendour with the ever-so-fab fabric. Joining the residents this week is the very same femme fatale who helped them inaugurate their residency, the multi-talented techno-vocalist, Miss Kitten. Expect exquisite techno, dark and compulsive beats, with some ethereal vocals layered through it all. “What better way to start the week?”, says / Leo

I like when art doesn’t pretend to be something it’s not. Take, for example, Rothko. Oh Rothko, how your work irritates me. Yes, your colours are pretty, but is it an exploration of my inner child? No. It’s blue paint on a canvas. So that’s why Design Real is a breath of fresh air in the stuffy art world. German product designer, Konstantin Grcic, curates the exhibition, staying true to the fundamentals of design and perhaps even life: the simpler the better. So, the exhibition takes normal, everyday household objects from the past decade and displays them in an interesting way. Is there a broom? Of course. An office chair? You bet your pin stripe suit there is. And their descriptions? Broom. Office chair. Simple, art appreciation. / Vanessa Morrish

Kisses, kissing, kissyface, kiss me. K I S S Army. I just want your…KISS. Suck my kiss. Kiss from a rose. Kiss with a fist. Let me kiss you. Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me. Kiss off. Kiss and control. Kissy sell out. New Years is behind us, but Valentine’s is around the corner so you better polish up those smackers and get ready for some quality lipsin’. Whether you’ve got someone special in your arms even as you read this weekly email newsletter or if you are convinced they’re destined to reveal themselves in the next week or two – it’s best to be prepared. That’s why you should head down to The Book Club tonight and check out the excellently named, Lara Citron, who will be sharing the tips and tricks, and facts and figures, and anecdotes and fantasies contained in her new book, A Compedium of Kisses. She promises to have something for the romantic and cynic alike and for a fiver, you also get a glass of wine. Muah! / Chloe McCloskey

Nowadays, with high-priced escorts being the downfall for politicians and sports stars, and Belle de Jour being unmasked, it’s easy to believe that the hooker’s tell-all is modern phenomenon. Not so, as the girls will tell you themselves; Five Clever Courtesans presents harlots from five different eras, from a Chinese concubine to a 16th century Venetian vixen, to tell you their stories in their own words. A multimedia installation titled “Queen of the Revels” will lay out their lives before and after the show, and after listening to their stories, you can join them for a drink in the bar – discretion advised for public figures. / Justin Toh

1 Corinthians 13:12 “For now we see through a glass, darkly” is a passage that has inspired the titles of at least two movies, a symphony and numerous novels. It alludes to looking at an image via a mirror and seeing the situation obscured. This show promises the dark arts of magic, mind reading and prophecy, with “a high degree of accuracy and little regard for the truth”. It’s magic without the cabaret, conjuring without the Copperfield. Do you believe in mind-reading? ‘No,’ I hear you think. Gotcha. / Justin Toh

How many people do you need for a band? Four? Three? Two apparently. The Black Keys, Simon & Garfunkel, Wham. All the greats. Hardly rock and roll is it? I mean, how can you play all the instruments you need? Slow Club, are a Sheffield two-piece. Man plays guitar, sings. Girl plays drums, and other of percussion (hits things with other things). The immediate Whites comparison is obvious, but Slow Club, are less garage rock, and more rockabilly-folk, with a quirky, sunny-side up. Maybe they’ll be less tempted to spend their later career forming an ever more depressingly poor, series of Supergroups. Yawn. Ably supported by First Aid Kit, a pair of Swedish girls with their angelic bluegrass. Worth a visit. I’m off to practice the drums (hit things with my shoe). Simon Owen

Oooooh. Errrrrr.. Ummmmm.. These are the sounds I will be making this year as I read the inevitable election campaign flyers that get posted through my South London letterbox. That is NOT a euphemism. I need help to decide on whom to vote for. Julie Walters is telling me that she is not going to vote this year. My friend tells me to go green. David Cameron winks at me and tells me to trust him, and everything will be alright hunny-bunny. Oh what a to-do. I yawn for Rory to help me, help me. And thus people, like a crying macaw in the wilderness, Rory swoops down to show me the light. A debating light no less. A Southbank Centre light. A ’Think-Tank Clash’ light. A chance for The Fabian Society, The Royal Society and whoever-else Society to chat and debate and convince and to provide a muddied path out of this forest of political indecision for us all. Bremner, you have saved me. My South London letterbox thanks you. / Jake Jones

Fools Russian where angels fear to tread. Ah what a great opener for a subversive photo show from Russia…except this show’s not very subversive, most of the ‘East European’ works aren’t actually Russian, and two aren’t even photographic. But it’s still a decent peek through eyes from the ex-Empire. Kiril Prashkov’s decaying end-walls of social housing blocks in Bulgaria capture the Soviet legacy, and Anna Jermolaewa’s film of Russian dolls getting jerked off scream with ominous crashing sounds is a strong metaphor. The stand-out images are Ukrainian Boris Mikhailov’s overlapped snaps of everyday life and nudes (see pic) – they do subvert the old Soviet myth that a photo is a document. Oh, and Igor Iskenja laid out a beautiful pattern on the floor with dust – but some fools trod on it. / Herbert Wright

I love India. I once woke up on a train on my 21st birthday day, whistling by the ochre landscape of Rajasthan. Such a vibrant, colourful, scented place, where colonial heritage meets ancient Indian cultures, meets the fast-paced modernity captured in Slumdog Millionaire. At least that’s what I kept telling myself while I couldn’t stop vomiting and sh@tting myself for four whole days. Still, there’s no denying an amazing experience, and it really is a beautiful place, a visual delight. For a little bit of India in London, try the Jack Bell Gallery, and the Somewhere Else exhibition, from 10th Feb – 21st March. A group show linking studio photography from India with painted backgrounds from Bangladesh, the focus of the gallery is to exhibit, represent and champion artists from all over the world, in particular artists from Africa and South Asia. Simon Owen

The last book I read was 101 Things to do Before You Die. After a quick flick through its pages, I filled in my “to do” list with stuff like, “Stand on the international date line”, “Catch a fish with my bare hands” or “Make a discovery”. I don’t have the money to buy a flight to Fiji, yet. And it’s a bit too cold to put my hands inside the canal. But, nevertheless, last Saturday I felt almost like Columbus spotting the American continent. This time the discovery was a gallery + coffee/tea shop (with wifi) + vintage clothes boutique + “cut ‘n go” hairdresser (Sat. & Sun. for just a fiver!), hidden at the end of a narrow passage near Bethnal Green Station. They opened just two months ago inside an amazing arched structure under the train tracks. It’s work a peek and, believe me, it’s one of those places where, from the very moment you set foot in it, you know it won’t be the last. One less box to tick! / Marta

What makes Alimentari so damn notable is the manner in which they thoroughly utilise their Queen’s Park deli premises. As the chatty staff welcomed me through the door, I pottered about astonished at how they manage to cram in so many delicacies, products and services and yet, Tardis-like, it still feels airy and spacious. I quaffed a punchy macchiato, swiftly followed by a frothy Italian cappuccino and perused the wide selection of cold meats, homemade sauces, self-service vats of Umbrian olive oil and freshly-baked organic bread. If that’s weren’t enough, they’ll also sort your lunch and sell you your dinner for later: a tray of lasagne, meat or veggie, perfect for impressing your friends or if you just can’t be arsed to cook. And enhancing their already solid local feel, they operate a ‘take a book, bring a book’ service, open late on Fridays as a wine bar and host regular wine tasting evenings at only £15 a throw, including gourmet meat & cheese. Dope-issimo. / Eamon Downes