Bono may come in for Sapphire-sized slagging, but who among us would turn down the chance to make his morning tea – especially for €65k a year? From 2pm today, expect queues outside the Central Hotel to stretch to Rick’s as Bono’s reps invite the public at large to interview to be his new personal assistant. Following the tepid public response to No Line on the Horizon, Bono has apparently decided he needs a man (or woman) of the people to help him manage his daily affairs. No experience is required, but the ideal candidate will be affirmed by existence, broadly spiritual, prone to quoting obscure Old Testament verse, informed about UN aid policy in sub-Saharan Africa and skilled at adding height onto shoes. If you tick any/all of these boxes, this might be the day your life changes. / Donny Mahoney

Just like Steve McQueen who escapes from Devil’s Island at the end of Papillon, our three narrators are attempting to escape from prison. On a coconut raft. No linear escape plan here though – there are parallel narratives at work. As the dark tale of the tunnellers and their crimes unfold, every few minutes the lights go low and – BOOM – the singing starts. Performing as Gustavo Des Balera and the Two 2 Tops, our threesome adopt boaters and perform a series of darkly comic barber shop melodies loosely based on the tale of the escape. The frenetic manner of the rapid fire comedy/tragedy cuts is at times a little discombobulating – something the passionate and physical performers easily transcend. Win Tickets / Simon Judge

How many Pecha Kuchas has there been? 5? 10? I still can’t pronounce it. Once again, a rag-tag bunch of Irish designers, architects, illustrators and other creative types hit the stage to yap about whatever comes to mind for six minutes and display their wares. Speakers in the past have talked about ‘better city planning’, ‘how fashion changes the world’, plans to put ‘Spar shops in buses’ and how ‘ginger kids can be a source of renewable energy’. This time round we have: the exciting graphic design squad, Unthink; illustrator and man-about-town, Chris Judge; Peter Predergast from the ever-happening Monster Truck gallery; and Willie White, director of the Project Arts Centre. Check out the flyer and full list of speakers here. Same format, same venue as before – if it ain’t broke… Win Tickets / Brian Herron

Icarus, Trinity College’s tri-annual creative writing magazine, celebrates its 60th Anniversary tonight with a wine reception and selection of poetry and prose readings. Since 1950, Icarus has been committed to fostering and showcasing the creative talents of hundreds of young writers and now stands as the oldest continuous publication of its kind in Ireland and Britain. The collection will showcase some of the finest prose, poetry, drama and literary reviews from six decades of the magazine and features work from (deep breath) Paul Muldoon, Marina Carr, Colm Toibin, Michael Longley, William Burroughs, Neil Jordan, Eavan Boland, Louis MacNeice, Sebastian Barry, David Kitt, Sean O’Casey and dozens more of Ireland’s most prolific contemporary authors. / Dan Sheehan

It’s Jesus time again. So where will you be for the Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ this year? I’ll hazard a guess by saying in a queue at an off-licence tonight and in bed with a hangover tomorrow. However, if you do wish to tap into the spirituality of the occasion, this site specific performance might nail your attention. The dramatic re-telling of the Last Supper and Betrayal tonight and The Way of the Cross tomorrow will be held in the 1000 year-old St Werburgh’s Church which is usually not accessible to the public. And sure failing all this, at least you can check out the new 3-D image (still hasn’t shaved that beard by the way). Zach Joyce

Whatever you may think of Motley Crue, don’t allow your feelings towards Nikki Sixx et al put you off what is one of the most genuinely fun and unpretentious new club nights to emerge in Dublin lately. While Girls Girls Girls may only have launched last week, if it can live up to the standards set by the first night then it may be something very special indeed. The premise is simple: only female DJs play the music, however the organisers also have ambitions to make the night a more all-round experience featuring artistic contributions and dancers too. The musical styles on offer cannot be narrowed down too much; you are as likely to hear The Roots as Madness, but for €3 in it is one of the most well-priced and entertaining evenings for your money. / Lucy Watts

Fashion has always had a soft spot for the tribal. However, the homage is always a little forced, a little tokenistic…photo shoots with 10ft models laconically draped over mud-huts or wading through croc-infested waters. Tribal always represented ‘the other’. Well Dublin is hosting Africa Fashion Weekend this weekend and African style is most definitely occupying the centre. A mix of eminent and up-and-coming African designers will be showing their collections; including the prolific Eric Raisina, who has worked with Yves St Laurent and Gaultier, and the one-to-watch Afro-Chique, who fuses her Afro-Caribbean heritage with the urban street-style of London. Eight designers are featured over the course of the weekend providing a truly immersive African fashion experience. Win Tickets / Jennie McGinn

Having a Good Friday? Or having a really Bad Friday what with the pubs closed and no one inviting you to a house party? Well help is at hand with DanceWave. Yes, tonight is the perfect night to launch an alternative club which is going to test (and hopefully prove) if you can have a great night out without the aid of drink or drugs. The ever enterprising Peter O’Brien, who transformed Dartmouth Sq into a cultural hive last summer, has teamed up with Synth Eastwooder Simon Cullen. And they promise the Wave, which starts at 8.30pm and lasts for two hours, will be “a dancing experience designed to make you feel great, with the added buzz that a plain auld knees up brings”. And you know what. Knowing the capabilities of those two, they’re likely to be bang on. Win Tickets / Zach Joyce

The First Urban Outfitters Good Friday party I attended went on way after Friday and I was definitely not very good that weekend! Good Friday can possibly lay claim as everybody’s favourite day for a house party and personally, I don’t miss the pubs. Why would you with a massive cool clothes store throwing a party with free booze for you? Filthy Dukes will be djing this year and the event is supported by Vice. While the alcohol libations are a deciding factor in the popularity of the evening, the queues of second hand army jackets, check shirts, floral prints, Cheap Monday skinny jeans and cheap gold jewellery, makes this is one of the rare retail events where you actually feel like you’re at a party rather than a PR experiment. / Aisling Farinella

Following in the recent sad footsteps of Freebird and PlugD in Cork, Beatfinder Records bids adieu this weekend. Falling just a few weeks short of Record Store Day, it serves as another timely reminder of the on-going struggle faced by independents. However, in keeping with character, you’ll find the owner Gerry Molumbey bowing out in in style. With up to 50% off most items (LPs and CDs from €5 & 12” from €12) and a drinks reception, it’s time to say thanks. And maybe even thinking twice about where you buy your music next time. That is if you do buy music anymore. What’s that Dylan said about the times again? Gerry’s own personal resurrection continues at his Magnificent 7”s night in 4 Dame Lane on Sunday where he sticks to his mantra of “Got to keep on dancin…keep on dancin”. / Zach Joyce

Weaving The Cry must be commended for its ambition. Based on Synge’s Riders to the Sea – the piece aims to develop the narrative through several different styles of expression. The players re-enact the story of a Mother and the loss of her sons through bursts of song, movement and frenzied dialogue. There are some beautiful images throughout the piece – the primary one being when a ball of twine, placed between the legs of the Mother, is stretched around the stage space and hooked in different areas following the departure of her last son. However, it sometimes loses itself in its cacophony of theatrical devices. Weaving the Cry had undeniable craft and skill applied in many areas of its production – but unfortunately there were times when it jarred stylistically. / Shaun Dunne

Daniel Johnston is one of the most prolific yet neglected songwriters of the past 30 years. Granted, not anybody can fill a venue the size of Vicar Street, but it seems his latter day popularity has a little to do with the heartbreaking documentary about his life and battles with mental illness. “The Devil and Daniel Johnston” is made with recent interviews and 20 years worth of family footage – for this reason it is unfailingly revealing and tragic. Having written, recorded, and released over 30 albums, it is no surprise that his songwriting varies from the patchy to the sublime. There will be a showcase of his eccentric hand drawn artwork, and for this tour he will be accompanied by 11-piece Dutch band BEAM. (Listen to Daniel Johnston’s new greatest hits album for FREE HERE)Win Tickets / Simon Judge

James O’Neill is a pint-sized pocketful of pop semtex. With a head full of dreams and a hand full of glitter, he is single-handedly trying to save the Irish pop scene. If there was one worth saving, that is. Not only does he seem to be the hardest working man in pop but he has a loyal and active team of followers behind him. This week, their tweets and prompts propelled BWW’s new single into the top ten of the Hype Machine chart. So, should you believe the hype? BWW have already supported Calvin Harris, Groove Armada and Fatboy Slim in the last six months. There is a willingness to succeed hidden behind a just-for-fun exterior and if the world can go goo-goo for Gaga then surely there is space for this brand of over-the-top dance music. And the outfits, check out the outfits! Win Tickets / Luka Scoones

Looking at Sean Hillen’s work this viewer is transported back to family holidays of the 70s in Tramore, Co. Waterford. Taking colourful and iconic John Hinde postcards from the mid 20th Century, Hillen creates collages that cleverly look familiar and yet alter one’s perceptions. To celebrate fifty years of the Alliance Française, some of Hillen’s most recognisable work is on show at their Kildare Street building – The Great Pyramids of Carlingford Lough being one of the most famous examples. At a recent talk in the Alliance, Hillen talked of his work as being in ‘two places at once’. He grew up in Newry – a place of in-betweenness – during the troubles and his experiences are very visible in his work, most recently with the series ‘Searching for Evidence’ and the Omagh Bomb Memorial which has received widespread acclaim. / Des FitzGerald

On your knees techno-heads, tonight you will be in the presence of greatness. VILLALOBOS! His beautiful, experimental and ever-changing productions have won him a huge international following. Releases like Alcochofa, Fizheuer Zieheuer, a truly groundbreaking Fabric mix and most recent EP, Vasco, as well as immense DJ sets have secured his place amongst the most eminent figures in minimal techno. Repeatedly billed next to the biggest names on the scene, Luciano, Richie Hawtin, Loco Dice and Sven Väth are just a few of the artists with whom Villalobos regularly headlines. Transferring from the Academy to the Olympia must surely mean this will be rammed to its gilted rafters. / Zach Joyce

The name may suggest an American sports team of some description but Utah Saints are, in fact, a pair of dance producers from Leeds. However, in some respects, they’re Setanta Ó hAilpíns of the music world, proving dab hands at whatever they turn their attention to. Jez Willis and Tim Garbutt began as chart-conquerers in the early nineties, scoring sizeable hits with sample-centric tracks ‘Something Good’ and ‘Believe In Me’, before shunning the limelight to focus on re-swizzing other people’s tracks. More recently, the duo have established themselves as dancefloor-destroying DJs, seamlessly blending familiar floor-fillers with more obscure gems and throwing in some tailor-made mixes for good measure. If this sounds like your bag, I’d suggest being in that number when these Saints go marching in. Win Tickets / Joey Kavanagh

I want to watch. I don’t want to watch. I want to watch but it aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. Director Warwick Thornton has crafted a challenging love story that dances between light and shadow, striving to illuminate something startling and true. It’s the tale of two ostracised aboriginal teenagers who are caught in a repetitive cycle of addiction, poverty and abuse. They barely speak but the isolation and hopelessness of their situation is broken by the affection that brings them together. Samson and Delilah was made for just AUS $1.6m and has become one of the most acclaimed films in the history of Australian cinema. Like the ants that crawl unnoticed across their bare feet, your skin crawls for them but at the same time it’s familiar to anyone who has been young and in love. / Di Tansey

This is a 3D, comic book, action movie where the hero finishes up with the wrong girl. I’m a woman of a certain age who hated Avatar. Clearly NOT made with me in mind. And it all feels weirdly 1950’s; the acting, music, monsters, even the 3D stuff looks dated. But those ancient Greeks knew something about character, and I couldn’t help but love Sam Worthington’s torn-between-2-fathers demi-god, Perseus, and his incurably promiscuous dad Zeus (Liam Neeson). If you’re thinking Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader then, duh!, where did you THINK Lucas got the idea? There’s also the delightfully Shakespearian comedy duo of Ozal (Ashraf Barhom) and Kucuk (Mouloud Achour), another reason why ‘Clash’ is a communal audience rather than a DVD-and-sofa experience. / Kay Scorah

Many of the shows exhibited in the Douglas Hyde point to absolute obsession. Most recently, I attended Josephine Foster who, surrounded by candles and incense, channeled both completely and eerily the works of Emily Dickinson with such determination of spirit it was almost like a séance. This latest show sits perfectly in the gallery’s canon with the works of late American artist Alfred Jensen illustrating his life long dedication to ’ absorb all the beautiful systems’. Created by a man who was described as a ‘Byzantine primitive, an anonymous Peruvian carpet maker, an Egyptian high priest, a Chinese sage…’ this show will appeal to both those who revel in the challenge of philosophical logic as well as those who simply wish to bask in the great prism of their colourful construction. / Jeanette Farrell

I’m probably going to dig myself in to a very dark hole with no promise of return in an attempt to describe Liam Gillick’s latest exhibition, such is the vastness of possibility it offers. A man who wears many hats; artist, curator, writer, critic, decoder of esoteric relational aesthetics, you know, the usual. But fear not, the great prowess of Gillick’s boundless intelligence and approachable eloquence is to be found in the volumes of written material accompanying the show that help compose a reason on this abstract commentary on industrial life??! Queue head scratching and furrowed brows. A two-time Turner nominee and Englishman who fearlessly represented Germany at the Venice Bienalle expect to be impressed or maybe prepare to be outraged at the never ending saga that is working stuff out. / Jeanette Farrell

The National Gallery’s acquisitions over the past decade include works by van Gogh, Renoir, Bonnard and Yeats. But for my money the print gallery is where the gems are. In Burton’s absorbing Faust’s ‘First Sight of Marguerite’ the maiden is demure and pristine. Faust is so captivated he drops a glove, and doesn’t notice the malicious eyes of the man just behind him. Turner’s tiny ‘Castellations on the Rhine’, is a characteristic depiction of precisely observed human figures against a sublime, bruised mass of atmosphere. Harry Clarke’s ‘The Wild Swan’ is an apt illustration from an Anderson fairy tale as it is both exquisite and poignant. Charles Klabunde’s etching for Beckett’s ‘The Lost Ones’ shows a grotesque trio of beings who arouse amusement and pity. There’s much to linger over here. / Holly McIndoe

Since beginning its monthly residence in Bewley’s Cafe last September, New Volta Film Club has provided ample evidence of a new generation of young Irish Film-makers unwilling to let a lack of funding hinder their craft. Showcasing an eclectic pick’n’mix of new Irish shorts and animations, the events provide young filmmakers with an audience for their work and an opportunity to interact with like-minded individuals that share their passion. Also welcome are those, like me, who can barely figure out the ‘video’ function on a digital camera. Among this months screenings are ‘Lost Cause’ by Emmet Driver, which follows survivors of an apocalyptic deluge, ‘Tethered’ by David Boyle, about the perils of young love, as well as the second and third installments of Seamus Hanly’s arty oddity ‘Lonely Days’. / Joey Kavanagh

Birnam wood comes to Dunsanaine, McDuff lays on, and poor old Banquo shows up at a party looking like Carrie. That’s right, it’s Macbeth – again. The new production in the Abbey is pretty much a straight-forward telling of the tale. And there’s nothing wrong with that. The cast is a bunch of Abbey regulars and a couple of semi-recognisable faces from TV who do a decent, if uneven, job of things. The director neatly sidestepped hubbly-bubbly clichés by giving the witches a Celtic twist, and the muddy, filthy set worked well – although, why did so many people keep coming out of the stage floor? I liked the bit where Macbeth tossed a table over and it nearly fell on top of the people front row (although, that may not have been intentional). Worthwhile if you like the play, but not thrilling. Win Tickets / Brian Herron

Writer Stephen Kennedy, of Nighthawks at the Cobalt Café, brings three short plays to the New Theatre this week. In Lennon V McCartney, two friends debate the unanswerable question – who was the greatest songwriter, John or Paul? With humour of equal appeal to anyone who enjoys great music or a good argument, this play has been chosen for performance at the Beatles Festival in Liverpool in June. Can you imagine what would happen if the hit TV series The Wire was transported from the mean streets of Baltimore to the, eh… shiny streets of Dublin? That’s what happens in the second play. In the third, a man who hates his job in a cash transit van says the wrong things to the wrong people in the wrong pub, resulting in a stupid gamble. It’s all in the game, yo, it’s all in the game. Win Tickets / Shirley Chance

The old post boxes of Dublin are full of history. If, because of road works perhaps, you ever get to see the foundations of one, you may find that its base is still painted red, since the days prior to 1922. When I lived beside a house that had once been the home of James Joyce, I often imagined that I was walking in his footsteps as I strolled to the post box on the corner, letter in hand. Post boxes are full of potential too. There’s a very unique post box on Dame Lane at the end of George’s Street. This special wooden box is the portal for the Interactive Street Art Project. Here you can post a letter to God, to a stranger or to the past, or even share a secret, based on a monthly changing theme. The current theme is ‘Your inner child.’ What does yours look like? / Shirley Chance